Guys Read: Thriller - BEA 2011 panel discussion

First of all, I want to make it clear that my forthcoming glowing review of the new short story collection in the Guys Read Library, Guys Read: Thriller is influenced not at all by the willingness of Jarrett Krosoczka to dress entirely in Michael Jackson red pleather - and even wear his wife's spangled, got-to-be-itchy socks - just to make a brief visual pun on the book's name.

 

That's commitment, ladies and gentlemen. Puns can backfire, and none worse than a visual pun. On the other hand, he could spend any BEA downtime exfoliating with the mirrored glove, and you have to approve of an outfit that doubles as a portable spa accoutrement.

But that's truly not what I love about Guys Read: Thriller. No. Nor am I influenced by the absurdly large blue eyes of Eoin Colfer, or the unsettling amount of seersucker suit put into play by Mac Barnett, who is currently wearing one of the worst mustaches I have EVER seen, presumably in support of his forthcoming picture book, Mustache!. It's as if Jon Scieszka, who is lately sporting the dust ruffle but not the valance, lower facially speaking, planted a big smackeroonie right on Barnett's mouth and the mustache kind of incompletely ripped off Jon and adhered to Mac. Seriously, man, fill that thing in with an eyebrow pencil or   something.

Now, it is possible that my respect for this buffet of boyness (the book, not the panel) was jacked up a couple notches because of Jack. Acclaimed writer Jack Gantos described writing for boys as, "Enter talking. Then start some action. Then you can introduce characters and get into situations... but under it all there has to be a pillar of theme. A reason for all that sharp dialogue and exciting action to be." I'm paraphrasing - but I read a lot of adventure books, and kind of a lot of them are not resting on a solid column of story. Jack's always are.

And while Eoin Colfer claims that he gets all his best ideas out of Philip Pullman's trash cans, his background is teaching, and he started writing by thinking of what would engage a specific boy: "What would that kid... that boy there - not that one, he's a little weird - what would that kid enjoy reading?" That kid, of course, is my kid, and a jillion others. I think that I can always tell a children's book writer who has spent time teaching. There's a certain steely yet affectionate gaze.

I may also be predisposed to admire a book that includes a short story by Matt "No D" "I can't stand cheesy" De la Peña. Matt is a boy's man, and I say that in a manly way, my being a woman notwithstanding: he is a man who writes about basketball and bad kids. He says, "I'll write about a kid stealing your wallet, and then I'll write about who stole his wallet."

With sharp guys like this, is it any wonder Jon Scieszka can just kind of coast when he puts out a book nowadays? He's a retired diplomat, after all, the Former Ambassador for Children's Literature. He spends his days feeding peanuts to his cockatoo and calling for the houseboy to bring him more gin.

As do we all. Oh, it's an open secret, I might as well tell: it's a louche life, this children's literature biz. The Children's Pavilion at BEA might as well be called the Bangkok Pergola. Thomas the Tank Engine is known as the Marrakesh Express to those in the know.

Anyway. I'm not actually reviewing Guys Read: Thriller right now. I just got back to the hotel room for cripes sake, and I just cracked a beer. My poor skinny legs are aching pillars of story, and that story is not a story full of exciting action, although I did have to squeeze onto the C train rather dramatically at one point, and certainly the dialogue was very good.

A few last things about the Guys Read panel discussion at BEA 2011:

• I was right about Jackie's Fifth Amendment. It's the last filthy dive bar in Park Slope, and Jon Scieszka name-checked it in a children's book (SPHDZ Book #1! ). I salute that. Just don't start naming characters, like, Dirty Sanchez.
• My son Mao is going to be nuts that I met Eoin Colfer.
• Mac Barnett started a sentence, "I was interviewing some Icelandic fisherman..." and I failed to say, "You were doing what to... whom?"

I'll be posting more about the fun things I found and the smart things I heard said at BEA 2011, but first I am going to go across the street to the Fatty Crab and eat watermelon pickle and crispy pork. Holy god do I miss living in New York.

 

UPDATE: To see just how poorly I paraphrased Jack Gantos, here's the video of the discussion. Worth watching just to see Eoin Colfer tease Mac Barnett about his some other little kid's Powerpuff Girls backpack. And to see that I am not exaggerating about that mustache, which, I am informed, is now defunct.